god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
