just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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