My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
