We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
