wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'd cum for enchiladas.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
