His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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