i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I pour the whiskey from now on
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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