Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
