is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
