You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
