Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
