then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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