My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
