I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
