thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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