i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
