How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
