4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
