It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She bit a glass in half.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
