she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize