I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
