I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
