Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
