I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
