Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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