I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
