somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
