What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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