I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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