I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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