hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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