So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
