yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
