my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
