I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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