my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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