my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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