Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
