someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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