I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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