am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
