My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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