remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
