I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
