WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize