I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
