I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
