if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
