you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
