So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Found the puke drawer
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize