He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
what the fuck happened to the tacos
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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