doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
