Have you finally orgasmed yet?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
