how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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