I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
