Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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