just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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