I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
The Olympian is in my bed
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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