you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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