Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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