Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
