How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
