Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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