Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
