It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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