For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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