i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i will never coherently bang her
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize