can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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