I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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