I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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