what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
