are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
His hands were made for my vagina.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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