oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
