**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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