I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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