I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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