she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
