I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
