I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
