I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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