my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize