R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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