Don't make out with my wife yet
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
