I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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