I can tuck mytits in my pants
only if we run a train.
done.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
