he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
