Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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