if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
