OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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