My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
