Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
