The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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