I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
