No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Randomize
