I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize