doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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