It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize